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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:52 pm 
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A woman and her b oyfriend are out having a few drinks.

While sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink.

The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and startstrying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while, he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the
bar:

A salt shaker

A shot of Baileys

A shot of lime juice

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains:

First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue.

Next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth.

And finally you drink the lime juice.

So the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue...salty, but OK

He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth...smooth, rich, cool and very pleasant. He thinks...this is OK

Finally, he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

In one second the sharp lime taste hits.

At two seconds the Baileys curdles.

At three seconds the salty, curdled taste and mucous-like consistency hits.

At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says;

'Jesus what do you call this drink?'

She smiles widely at him and says;

'Blow Job revenge.'


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:53 pm 
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I TRULY DID NOT KNOW THIS!!!!

LAS VEGAS CHURCHES ACCEPT GAMBLING CHIPS!!!

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, BUT
THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO
CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE
DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.

THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN
MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF
ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.





THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:00 pm 
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LMMFAO!!! KB is BACK with a vengeance!! :mrgreen: :lol:

Great stuff man...

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I have flying monkees and I'm NOT afraid to use them!

Be BOLD enough to imagine. Be BRAVE enough to believe.


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 10:06 pm 
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woot! woot! yeah!!!!!!! Thanks, KB!!!!!!!

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www.physicalfitnet.com/amy4training


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:33 pm 
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On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.... For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:03 pm 
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lol.. that hilarious.. but makes sense...lol

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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:04 am 
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

Then......

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 6:47 pm 
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lol.. thats the craziest joke i have ever heard...

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People always trade in something they WANT, for something they want right NOW, and then complain when they don't get results....


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 3:36 pm 
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HYSTERICAL!!! :D

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I have flying monkees and I'm NOT afraid to use them!

Be BOLD enough to imagine. Be BRAVE enough to believe.


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:56 am 
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards sky. What you see?”



The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.”



“What that tell you?” asked Tonto.



The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorelogically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?”


“You dumber than buffalo dung. It means someone stole the tent.”


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