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 Post subject: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:58 pm 
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Location: somewhere...over the rainbow
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hint hint...make us laugh, funny guy :)

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Last edited by Tank Girl on Mon Jun 01, 2009 11:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: D riders joke thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 11:01 pm 
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Location: watchin the wheels go round and round
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I think -KB- was the one with the long joke thread hon...

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OLD GUYS RULE!

I have flying monkees and I'm NOT afraid to use them!

Be BOLD enough to imagine. Be BRAVE enough to believe.


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 11:16 pm 
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fixed it :)

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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:12 am 
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Location: in Mikey's sticky pocket!!!
Gender: Female
is it like the song that never ends? :mrgreen:

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The key to a perfect physique is training and training and repeating and repeating. Stop looking for a perfect move, a perfect rep range. You won’t see difference unless you are consistent anyway so stop obsessing, it paralyzes your actions......
~Just Saying~


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:39 pm 
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Location: Louisiana
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Here you go!

The Economy Is So Bad...

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Jewish women are marrying for love.

Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.

Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.

McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico .

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel Six won't leave the light on. (Now, this is serious)

The Mafia is laying off judges.

And finally...

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.
Hey, neat...the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:40 pm 
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BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to
refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking
activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of
events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes
dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along
with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man
who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone
where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities
can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.
He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the
meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women.


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:48 pm 
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Location: Louisiana
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Sex, Church &
Pancakes

Sex

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status,
she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for
her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother
saying:

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'


Church

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the
preacher's hand . He said 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine
sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?'


Pancakes


Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of
warm pan cakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied . 'The rest are for your father.'


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:48 pm 
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Location: Louisiana
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Subject: Middle aged woman

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing
God, she asked, 'Is my time up?'

God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, lipoid-suction, and a
tummy tuck.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had
another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?'

God replied, 'Girlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!'


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:49 pm 
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The Aisle Seat

Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a
window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just
before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff,
the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a
Coke.'


'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for
you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and
spat in it. When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said,
'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.'

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the
other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the
Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and
knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab
neighbors...


'Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on? This
fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting
in shoes and pissing in Cokes?'

THE FEW. THE PROUD.. THE MARINES.


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 Post subject: Re: -KB-'s joke thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:50 pm 
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Location: Louisiana
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Meet Marvin, Men's answer to Maxine!!!

Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to
stand closer to the kitchen sink.
--------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
--------------------------------------------------------

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
--------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course.. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%

It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.


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