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 Post subject: Struggling with alcohol
PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:49 am 
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hey fellas, as some of you know i have had some problems with alcohol over the past few years, and it has become enough of a problem that i think i need to completly step away before i get a DWI or Kill someone. Plainly said.... i have a problem going out with friends and having just 1 or 2...it always turns into 11 or 12 and next thing you know i feel (in my drunkin stuper) that its ok to drive home or drive to the next bar, cuz god forbid ive had enough yet.....haha ...not funny tho....

So the other day i go out for a work function and of course "free beer" all day and golf.....so i say im just having a couple.....well 7 beers later on the course and then 4 more at dinner....my wife is blowing up my phone cuz she knows its dark and the golf course doesn't have lights....so i lie and say that we are just finishing up golf, when really i been at the bar for the past hour slugging down beers with the guys and she insists to come pick me up.....so reluctantly i agree that she should come get me, but i tell her that i'm getting dropped off at work, well i'm REALLY still at the bar so i decide to drive over to the parking lot at work so "she'll never know" that i was really at the bar.....well as im driving up to my parking spot she is already waiting in the lot for me......ut oh..... so im in trouble....as i ahould be, i have done this countless times before and gotten out without a DWI and it has to stop, i promised her that i would be done with the drinking and driving months ago, but something in my brain tells me its ok to continue to do it after 4-5 beers, i am not thinking logically anymore and "anything goes" Meanwhile RIGHT AT THE INTERSECTION I DROVE THRU someone was getting pulled over for DWI cuz it was in the paper she said.....so i think i am pretty Fuckin lucky (excuse my language) to not get pulled over the 22 times ive driven wasted..... OR KILLED SOMEONE....... not to mention it kills that day of working out and usually the next day also.
I get to work on Saturday morning at 6:30 am....still drunk prolly and for the first time in about 4 years after drinking :puke: right in the garbage can at work, and the other guy is like "whoa dude are you alright?" and im like no, i gotta ago home asap, so i worked till 11am and left.

So i feel i have let her down and myself and everyone on this board for blowing a couple days of my 100 day challenge by drinking. I had a talk with her and she and I agreed taking the keys to my truck away....but i went and did it again and she mentioned that she was not going to take 'em away....even tho i really should give 'em to her and punish myself because there are no consequences for my bad actions right now.... i disobey her, we talk about it.......i don't get "arrested" by her or myself so i just keep doing it, i don't know what else i can do that will "teach me a lesson" because it keeps happening every couple months. i even told her i would not drink without her around....but i blew that the other day at the work thingy...... so i cant even keep my word and my marriage is suffering and she can no longer trust me for shit.

I need support by you guys, i know i've "said it all" and she has threatened me with the worst... by taking away the keys for my truck, but its still not working, so i think for real, i am going to have to stop drinking completely and get my life back in order.

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 Post subject: Re: Struggling with alcohol
PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 9:51 am 
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Oh man, do you ever belong here. A few of us have wrestled with similar things - as well as the same thing. I will let the others chime in if they feel like it but I will speak from my own experience and hope it helps.

First of all you need to understand that no one else needs to hold you accountable other than yourself. You're a grown man. Its no one elses job to hold you in check, your conscience should do that for you. Now before you sit there flippin off the computer screen and telling me to stuff it, lol, let me explain why I said that.

There have been three times in my life where my drinking has taken control of me. The first was right after I got home from the army. In no time I was able to polish off an entire 750 ml bottle of Jack or Early Times by myself and often did. The second time was after my divorce. I'd get so drunk that I'd literally fall asleep at stop lights while driving home. How I didnt kill anyone is truly beyond me. I think theres a guardian angle in heaven right now with a nervous twitch, drawing disability for his shot nerves because of me. The third time ended about four months ago. It took herman munstering my screen door and then vomitting in my neighbors Hastas before I realized I needed to take this shit seriously.

Much like you I'd have one which would turn into 5. My deal isnt beer though, its vodka.

It boiled down to making a choice. I didn't punish myself, the booze had already done that by changing the way people looked at me and by the way it made me feel each time I looked in the mirror or let myself remember what I'd done. The shame I felt was punishment enough. Add to that the loss of wages from all the time I missed work due to being too drunk to drive in and the subsequent financial strain on my family and my shame became almost unbearable. Nothing anyone ELSE could do to me would have rivaled that.

So I started proving to myself that I'M in charge. I would sit down and allow myself just ONE. It was the hardest thing ever, I'll be honest. I failed a few times but even though I had more than one I never had as many as I would have otherwise. It took time, it took effort but most of all it took discipline. I did it every bit as much for me as for my family. Today IF I drink at all, I have one drink. If I have more than that, its really never more than 3/4s of another and I end up dumping the rest out. With the workouts, the demands placed on my time by work, family and martial arts classes there really isnt TIME to drink anymore but more importantly there really isnt a desire to. It would take away from things in my life that clearly have a higher priority.

You CAN be in charge of this, of that I have no doubt. You sound like you want it, and we know your wife woudl be proud of you. So do it. Make the conscious decision to grab on to this thing and break it. A trick you can use is down one glass of water after each beer. You'll get full far faster but be half as drunk and you wont have to worry about feeling as crappy the next day. Also never drink until you've eaten. You'll be full already and downing more than a couple beers will make you really uncomfortable. Lastly, drink SLOOOOWWWWLY. Warm beer isn't something you tend to want to finish, or at least I dont, lol.

If you ever need to talk I'll PM you my phone numbers and you can call anytime you need someone to talk you out of drinking. Hopefully others will chime in with there stories becasue there are some interesting ones.

All my best brother... Oh, and by the way, BAD BLK for blowing the 100 day challenge, BAD! *shakes finger*

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 Post subject: Re: Struggling with alcohol
PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 8:51 am 
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BigMikey wrote:
First of all you need to understand that no one else needs to hold you accountable other than yourself. You're a grown man. Its no one elses job to hold you in check, your conscience should do that for you. Now before you sit there flippin off the computer screen and telling me to stuff it, lol, let me explain why I said that.



This is the most important part of what mikey said imo. I use to be the a-hole that got behind the wheel, nothing major at all happen to me at was people around me that were doing the same thing that opened my eyes. It doesnt sound like you are an alchoholic but you do binge drink(like myself). You need to be honest with your wife and yourself tell her you will need a ride tonight. Or call a cab. a $40 cab ride is a lot cheaper than a $5,000 dui(lawyer fees and court costs,my friend just got that). Some places offer free cab rides from their establishments... You know what you do when you go out, just plan for it.


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 Post subject: Re: Struggling with alcohol
PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:05 pm 
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Thanks Chi,

but i cant even trust myself with calling a cab cuz i should have done that dozens of times... so i need to stay away 100% right now. :D it's all for the better!

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