hey fellas, as some of you know i have had some problems with alcohol over the past few years, and it has become enough of a problem that i think i need to completly step away before i get a DWI or Kill someone. Plainly said.... i have a problem going out with friends and having just 1 or 2...it always turns into 11 or 12 and next thing you know i feel (in my drunkin stuper) that its ok to drive home or drive to the next bar, cuz god forbid ive had enough yet.....haha ...not funny tho....
So the other day i go out for a work function and of course "free beer" all day and golf.....so i say im just having a couple.....well 7 beers later on the course and then 4 more at dinner....my wife is blowing up my phone cuz she knows its dark and the golf course doesn't have lights....so i lie and say that we are just finishing up golf, when really i been at the bar for the past hour slugging down beers with the guys and she insists to come pick me up.....so reluctantly i agree that she should come get me, but i tell her that i'm getting dropped off at work, well i'm REALLY still at the bar so i decide to drive over to the parking lot at work so "she'll never know" that i was really at the bar.....well as im driving up to my parking spot she is already waiting in the lot for me......ut oh..... so im in trouble....as i ahould be, i have done this countless times before and gotten out without a DWI and it has to stop, i promised her that i would be done with the drinking and driving months ago, but something in my brain tells me its ok to continue to do it after 4-5 beers, i am not thinking logically anymore and "anything goes" Meanwhile RIGHT AT THE INTERSECTION I DROVE THRU someone was getting pulled over for DWI cuz it was in the paper she said.....so i think i am pretty Fuckin lucky (excuse my language) to not get pulled over the 22 times ive driven wasted..... OR KILLED SOMEONE....... not to mention it kills that day of working out and usually the next day also.
I get to work on Saturday morning at 6:30 am....still drunk prolly and for the first time in about 4 years after drinking
right in the garbage can at work, and the other guy is like "whoa dude are you alright?" and im like no, i gotta ago home asap, so i worked till 11am and left.
So i feel i have let her down and myself and everyone on this board for blowing a couple days of my 100 day challenge by drinking. I had a talk with her and she and I agreed taking the keys to my truck away....but i went and did it again and she mentioned that she was not going to take 'em away....even tho i really should give 'em to her and punish myself because there are no consequences for my bad actions right now.... i disobey her, we talk about it.......i don't get "arrested" by her or myself so i just keep doing it, i don't know what else i can do that will "teach me a lesson" because it keeps happening every couple months. i even told her i would not drink without her around....but i blew that the other day at the work thingy...... so i cant even keep my word and my marriage is suffering and she can no longer trust me for shit.
I need support by you guys, i know i've "said it all" and she has threatened me with the worst... by taking away the keys for my truck, but its still not working, so i think for real, i am going to have to stop drinking completely and get my life back in order.